Pain Changes People

This year is coming to a quick end and yes I know I said I'd blog more often and with each post I apologize about not blogging more often...

With that said...I'm sorry about not blogging more often. 
I really really do try to whenever I remember but please bear with me. Thinking of topics isn't always the easiest and I try to think of blog topics that won't stir up debates or anger within my readers.

But I feel like this post is long overdue.

I happened to be going through a list of quotes on this social media page I found, and I find three words that I basically have been trying to explain through my words, my music, my advice.

Pain. Changes. People.

It changes our thoughts, our beliefs, our experiences, our outlook, our behavior. Everything. Pain is the one thing that allows us to evaluate ourselves in the worth way possible and believe it to be justified and logical. It makes us focus on the aspects of this that spurred on the source of the pain and then it makes us want to change it. No one wants to feel pain if we can feel other emotions such as happiness and relief. Pain is sometimes ultimately for the better but the process of working through the hurt is sometimes far too long for the end result to be worth it. At times, it's the process itself that twists and mangles the thoughts and beliefs of a person. 

I wish I could say that I don't have a personal experience to back this up, but I do. Since I don't want to delve too much into my past life, I shall briefly describe a scenario that I experienced barely ten minutes ago. 

As you all know, I am currently a sophomore in Highschool. I am taking two college course and while I admit that it is not nearly as stressful as my upcoming years, I still find it to be quite challenging at times. For some or other reason, I thought today was Thursday (not Wednesday) and that my homework for one of my college classes was due this Friday. I have never really made this mistake before, so it came as a shock to me. My first thought was 'oh, that's ok. Finish it and give it to her on Friday(when my next class is)' and then I proceeded to tell my friends why I don't have my binder and homework for that class to get a good laugh out of it. 

Now here's where I have a problem with the way others react. When a friend of yours has obviously made a mistake and is trying to play it off cool, casually laugh along with the person about the situation. Do. Not. Laugh. At. The. Person. 

I don't know if that was my friend's intention, but I was deeply hurt at seeing my friend laugh at me. I don't think that was her intention, but a simple act like that can and will tell your friend that s/he is stupid for making that mistake. 

What this can lead to is your friend feeling insignificant for any amount of time and then not wanting to open up to you about any other mistakes or misunderstandings that s/he has made. Please be careful whenever you say or do something because it can hurt the other person. 

I realize that this has probably turned into a little venting session for me, apologies for that, but I hope my experience has helped you realize how much a simple action can hurt a person. When you close this page and shut off your laptop or switch to another app on your phone, I do wish that my message of this post will stay in your head. 

I Will Burn The Heart Out Of You

Hey guys! Been almost a month since I last blogged and I feel a good way to blog again is give you a small Supernatural ficlet I wrote recently for my school's literary magazine. It's really (really) short but I liked the way it turned out. Leave your suggestions below please? I'm thinking of doing some imagines as well so if you have any ideas for that, I'd love to hear them too :) Meanwhile, enjoy this gif of Castiel that describes my entire existence

I Will Burn The Heart Out Of You

The lights in the motel room flicker on, illuminating the two figures standing in the doorway. The taller of the pair relies heavily on the door frame to keep him upright. His brown hair was matted down in places with swatches of dark red, the same color of the medium that was smeared across the light switch in areas his finger touched. The man next to him, considerably shorter, staggers into the room. The duffel bag in his hand weighs him down. He reaches into his pockets, pulling out a stack of dusty IDs – each decorated with a different name – and throwing them carelessly onto the bedside table. There seemed to be no significant features that would label the two men as brothers except for the same hollow, faint, burning remnants of humanity clouded by the dark that lingers in their eyes.

            “Who’s taking the bathroom first, Sammy?”  The older one grumbles. His fingers fumble with the zipper of the duffle bag, frowning when it gets stuck on a thread.

            “Guess I will…” ‘Sammy’ moves away from the door. Don’t let the nickname fool you. Gordon made that mistake once and almost got his head chopped off. It’s Sam. He would say. Only Dean gets to call me Sammy. But even Sam, as hard as the name is, didn’t begin to convey the monster that he could be. Dean was the soldier, the ruthless brother, the one with the Mark of Cain, but Sam, Sam, he was the reckless one. The one who has everything to lose, nothing to lose, only Dean left to lose. The two combined forms a vicious flame. The constant pulling and pushing and flickering of the fire never leaves them. The fire will not, cannot, exist without the two. As Sam closes the grimy bathroom door behind him, the cheap yellow light decreasing in the room, Dean tugs off his shirt. He grunts, tendrils of cotton tugging painfully at the dried blood that seemed to be burned onto his skin. 

The air is weighed down with the nightmares they see, thick, choking tension burning their lungs until they fall asleep, until they can fall asleep. And then, and then,  Sam, resting his forehead against the cold tile as red burns the water swirling around at his feet, and Dean, bloodied and burnt and broken and bruised and his jaw set as a needle threads through his skin, know, know, that in their world,

       in humanity, 

                    in the universe, 

                    something

                    must 

                   always 

            B U R N.

You Know Supernatural Changed Your Life When...

This is something I've always wanted to list out. Many of you know the 'You Know Supernatural Changed Your Life When...' Tumblr account and I did get some of these from there but not all =)

And it's November 2, so I want to dedicate this post to Mary Winchester. I truly, honestly liked her character on the show and even though I understand her death was necessary for the plot, I wish we could've seen more of her. 

R.I.P Mary <3

1.You're super careful on Tuesdays. 
2. You always keep salt with you. 
3. You cry on November 2. 

4. You get super hopeful when it starts to thunder and rain. 

5. Leather jackets, plaid shirts, and trench coats aren't just leather jackets, plaid shirts, and trench coats for you. 

6. You see a Supernatural reference in everything. 

7. When you see confetti, you think of Misha going 'Hooray! It's a parade'

8. You about Dean whenever someone mentions pie. 

9. Salting and burning is the answer to everything. 

10. When something weird happens, you start listing off the possible creatures that could be causing it. 

4 Common Misconceptions About High School

Being a Sophomore in high school (that's taking three community college courses this year, mind you!) is very difficult and challenging. I've already had about 10 years of schooling (yes I'm counting Kindergarten) and the difficulty that comes each year with it is relentless. Some classes may be easier than others, but it's been a heck of a rollercoaster for me. There are a lot of things about school I wasted a lot of my time on that I wish I would've known it didn't matter as much as I thought it would. And, of course, being teenagers, many people hold misconceptions about our behavior and that, in turn, affects how people look at high school.




For all of my followers who are going into high school this year or will be going into high school, I really hope that this post will help you understand that high school isn't so bad. *smile*

1. Everyone gets bullied
While I understand that this is legitimately  a concern for many of you (as it was one for me as well), I can assure you that not everyone gets bullied. There is not a 100% change that everyone will hate you. If you join any clubs, there will probably be at least one or two people that share the same interests as you! Maybe you both like reading the same books..maybe both of you like drawing or play the same video games. You never know what could happen. I encourage you to try and join one club this year, even if you already have friends. It's easier to try and branch out if you make a new friends.

2. You won't find a table to sit at for lunch.
This is one of the many fears that newcomers have. Where will I sit? Do I sit with people I met in my class? Will I look like a loner if I sit by myself? Will there be empty tables? How does the lunch line work? While these are valid worries, there is a simple remedy. If you start talking to someone else in one of your classes (even 10 minutes is enough) put out a simple offer to sit together at lunch. If you don't want to sound 'desperate' try something like this: "Hey, I was wondering, want to sit together at lunch? I don't know how many empty tables there will be, so it saves us the trouble of finding extra seats, right?" and grin or laugh lightly to give that 'laid-back' feel to the other person. Try maintaining eye contact if you can.

3. Everyone in high school is most likely on drugs.
This is FALSE. While there are the groups of kids that do make the choice to drink, smoke, etc..there are a lot more who are paying attention to their grades, who care about education, and who are overall very nice people to be around. It just happens that the kids who do drugs are most often the ones who are well known because of their habits and that overshadows the rest of the student body that should be appreciated.

4. High school is like a jail cell
OK, so I understand why people might say this (I've said it a few times myself)  but don't let this saying overshadow your thoughts. The main lobby in my school literally looks like the cement walls in jails BUT I still love it here because of all the fun I have. Yes, it's stressful. Yes, I stay up all night doing my homework. Yes, studying for tests is really hard. No, I don't want to leave. You might not like high school but I guarantee you that you will make close friends and have really amazing memories. Looking past the hard work and determination you will need, high school is a really fun place and there isn't one day that you will not be amused by what's happening in the cafeteria or in the hallways.

Well, that's it folks. The four common misconceptions people have about high school. There are definitely a lot more fake rumors that people believe but sometimes it's more fun to figure out that they're just rumors through your own experience that reading about it in a blog. I wish you the best of luck in the long journey that's called high school.

(But, I mean.....wouldn't it be cooler to go to Hogwarts?)

Clara Oswald: Clingy or Clever?

Cheesy title, I know....I know, but I couldn't think of anything else that summed up the question that has been bugging me since I met her, especially once Capaldi became the Doctor. I do not deny that, as a person, she is very likeable, but as a companion she tends to bother me.

She met the Matt Smith as the Doctor and even though she might deny it, she fell in love with the Impossible Hero and she was the Impossible Girl. Sure she might have been "born to save the Doctor" but she isn't the only important companion. There was Donna, Martha, and Amy; all of them taught the Doctor the importance of family.

With all of his previous companions, there was never the obvious question of "Will a relationship between them become canon?" Even with Rose, canon suggests that the 10th Doctor might've had feelings for Rose and we all know that Rose did grow to love the Doctor but she understood the consequences of traveling with him. She knew the consequences of falling in love with him.

Martha had that school girl crush on the Doctor but quickly overcame that (Was it because of Captain Jack Harper?). She was loyal to the Doctor and knew that he would not be able to return her feelings so she took the small part of the Doctor that she could - a friend.

The Ponds were family to the Doctor. Amy and Rory. The Girl Who Waited and The Plastic Centenarian. Many people say that all Amy and Rory did was follow the Doctor's orders....but that's because they trusted him. They trusted him to know what he was doing or to follow his instincts. In the end, they became his family.

She is taking the Doctor for granted and wasn't ready to accept the 12th Doctor because he wasn't "young looking".

Is it just me or is Clara just really annoying?

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End

Right now in my life, there are a lot of things that are changing, that are ending, that are starting a new chapter.

School started about a week ago for me, and even though it's only been 5 days of actual school (we didn't do anything the first day), I can already sense the pressure building. Being in my sophomore year and having a college-course class is tough but I know I can make it. If something is beginning and I know that I'm going to have to buckle up and get ready for the ride that's starting, it's always important for me to know that there are things out there that are beginning as well.

I'm getting ready for the school year; I'm organized, I'm taking down notes, keeping my planner updated every day, making sure I'm not procrastinating. I still feel as if I'm going to be drowning in homework and studying till midnight.

 With all of this, though, I'm keeping myself grounded by the things I love. I've listed a few things below that are going to start or have recently started that is helping me stay sane!

1. Fall Out Boy recently released their song Centuries . I absolutely love this song! It's new, it's catchy, it's different, and it will definitely bring about a slight change in the fan-base and in the band that I think everyone will be happy with.
2. Black Veil Brides have released two singles from their yet-to-be-released self-titled album called Heart of Fire and Faithless.Their new album (BVB IV) will be released in October and I just can't wait!
3. Season 10 of Supernatural will premiere on Tuesday, October 7 at 9/8c. If you guys don't know yet, I am a major fan of the TV Series called Supernatural on the CW network. I have watch seasons 1-6 and overall know what happens in Seasons 7-9 (yes I have seen the season 9 finale), so even though I haven't watched the last three seasons, I am very excited for Season 10!
4. Peter Capaldi, as the 12th Doctor in Doctor Who, has already shot two episodes which have aired. The new season for Doctor Who (BBC) has already started, but is only a few episodes in, so I'm looking forward to seeing Capaldi play the new Doctor. In my opinion, Capaldi will bring a new side of the Doctor out - the side that genuinely realizes the cost of his actions and wants to set out to rectify them. I will definitely root for him!

I know that as the year passes by, I will have less and less time to root for and support the bands and TV series that I love because I will be extremely busy. Even though I won't be able to publicly show my love and support for everyone that is starting a new chapter of their lives, I will definitely keep them in my heart and wish them luck along the way.

I would like to do that to all of my readers as well. You guys are so amazing and you might be started or have already started something new and unique in your life. It may be out of your comfort zone and you may not be used to it and there probably will be some aspects that you completely despise, but I'm here every step of the way. I get the discomfort, I get the nerves and the uneasiness and I want you to know that you are strong and independent; you have the courage and strength to finish this new chapter and begin another one later. Just get through the first few pages, you never know what you will find. 

Twist and Shout

I realize that I haven't blogged anything in a long while and for the past few weeks - even though I've been telling myself that I should start again - I couldn't find it in me to get up and actually start typing about things it seemed I don't really care about. I just felt that there wasn't a reason to talk about them. There's nothing special about the cute dress that I'd seen two weeks ago when I went shopping. There's nothing special about the really nice guy I'd seen at the library but was too shy to strike up a conversation with. There's nothing special about a Led Zeppelin song that I fell in love with. Well that's how it seemed at the time. I never bothered about the tiny little things that we fall in love with everyday. I never bothered about how we think everything will turn out okay but 20 years in the future, our lives could be crumbling apart.

So what spurred this change?

It was, ladies and gentlemen, in fact, a fanfiction. Yes, this whole inspiring change was brought upon me through a fanfiction. 

He wished he could dream of some other memory. It used to be his favorite one. The seaside and Cas in his windbreaker, the feeling of their hands sliding over each other, the emptiness of the world. Cas’ hair touching his chin as they watched the water, his laughter when he grabbed him by the middle and picked him up, the way they’d tossed bread to the gulls and talked about flying and boats. About dreams and houses on islands. Now there was only silence, the endless void of a movie camera, the idle way Cas walked by the water, stooping to stare at crabs or watch for little fish, trapped there, in that moment. He felt so far away, and with every step Cas took the distance kept growing and he didn’t know how to make it stop. -- Twist and Shout

Many of you might be thinking "What sort of fanfiction can affect someone this much?". Well, I've copied one of my favorite passages from the fic Twist and Shout (Link is at the bottom). The one thing I love most about this fanfiction is that you learn about the hardships that two people involved in any kind of relationship (couples, best friends, family, etc) could go through. This one focuses on Dean and Castiel, who live during the Vietnam War. You have two completely different people who are drawn to each other merely by their existence. You never know exactly what it is that attracts the other in the relationship - it just does. You learn about the difficulties of having a relationship with the other (since homosexuality was heavily frowned upon in those days). Throughout the chapters, you are introduced with small moments that Dean and Cas (Castiel) spend together and at first, we think nothing of it. As you continue reading, however, we realize how much these moments had truly meant to the two. Nostalgia and a heavy sense of longing was present in both characters and while the writer was describing a fictional character's feelings, I couldn't help but start to tear up.

Just having a glimpse into how the characters felt - albeit not being real - nearly broke me. It's even worse if you are a Supernatural (the TV show) fan since Dean and Castiel are two characters on that show (granted you support Dean & Cas together). Of course, I will never understand the depth of pain that they went through in this fanfic or how deep their scars went, but I definitely understood the importance of cherishing the moments that I have the good fortune to come across - it may dwindle down to nothing as time passes.

Even though I have yet to experience everything life has to offer, I will not let opportunities pass me by just because "I don't have time". I need to take chances and learn to appreciate what I have each moment. I never know when it will be whisked away from me...

Click to read "Twist and Shout"
**Warning: Contains homosexual relationship**